The Bird Who Stroked Back
True Story
It was one of the most beautiful day we’ve ever seem.
The summer had brought to us the perfect conditions to
be out and enjoy the day in the company of good friends.
There were four of us, John, Bruce, Vince and I (Eddie);
we had been planning to go golfing for a while and finally
we’ve got the chance. The morning was bright and the
smell of the field was addictive, the birds kept singing
songs of welcome and we all (as good golfers) truly
believed that each one of us would have the game of a life time.
As we walked from the clubhouse down to the first tee block and enjoyed the company
of each other, we were making jokes about how the day was going to be like and who
was the best golfer, it was a great time.
Given the fact that we all live busy lives, most of us only played for fun and to be
honest, none was actually a golfer good enough to the point of attracting the crowd to
follow us around. The interesting thing about golf is that it is a game that really shows
one's personality and it becomes evident in one's game the traces of the mental
attitude towards pressure. Anyhow, we were there just to have fun and a good time with
good friends.
The competition was always friendly among us, but it was particularly stronger
between John and I, actually; as best friends, John and I always believed that the game
and the intense competition between us was the one thing that would bring us together
and closer, every time. Although we had this competition going on between us, one
always respected the other trying to keep certain comments to ourselves and not giving
too much opinion about each other’s game.
In golf, most of the time, there is a tendency of the players to give opinion about
someone else’s style and/or technique to play the game. In their mind, they are trying
to help the other player to play better, but golfers have a set of mind that dictates
certain aspects of the game and any opinion if not asked for or well put, can have
catastrophic results. Golfers are very sensitive to what happens when they are hitting
the ball, there is a mixture of pride and personal achievement when they play well,
every mistake can gather momentum and by the end of the game, reach scales that
would make them look like selvage beasts.
The good thing about golf though, are the lessons one can learn about themselves
and the continuing improvement that one has to make in order to play better, it’s the
only game where a guy who is 80 years old can compete with an 18’s old, given some
restrictions obviously. But this is a game that can be practiced one’s entire life and the
contact with nature plus the exercise, encapsulate the package that makes this game
one of the best sports one can get a hold of. This is how the four of us felt about golf.
The first tee shot for each one of us was perfect and right on the way for a great
competition, perhaps the best one we all ever had. Right at the first hole, John and I
started picking on each other in attempt to impose some mental pressure and who
cracks first while Bruce and Vice just enjoyed watching us and trying their best to play
the game. We all were roughly the same age, in mid forties and reasonably in good
shape. Vince was the tallest one among us, he had been playing golf since as a child
and as a priest, his busy life at the church and his commitments with the community
wouldn't allow him to play as much as he wished, but he is one of the most pleasant
person to be around and to have fun at the golf course.
Bruce was the oldest one, not by much though, perhaps 2 or 3 years on us and with so
much work around the house and the commitments his wife would find for both of them
within their neighborhood, he also wished time was at his side when comes to practice
the game his loves so much. John and I are divorced and have all the time in world in
our hands, after work. We would practice golf as much as we could and exchange tips on
how to improve each other’s game with the newest gadget that showed up on the golf
market. He is about 5.11” tall and I am 5.6”, he has more strength at his side and I
have more flexibility so, I would say that the physical conditions between us were fairly
distributed.
- That was a good shot Eddie ! Too bad you are messing up the next one.
- I may mess the next one up, but it won’t be as bad as the one you are just
about to hit!
Silly remarks like this would keep going for most of the holes through the game and if
one of us actually gave in to the other, both would laugh and try to bit the other on the
next hole again. It was a healthy type of competition and it would push us to try the
absolute best of each other every time, we all loved it.
Everything was going just fine until the 15th hole, our score was very close with a
difference of only one or two shots. As I approach the 15th , something peculiar caught
my attention; a little farther away, there was a goose walking up and down the 16th tee
block, I could tell from a distance that something was wrong, but I didn’t let it bother
me and concentrated on having the best score I could to bit John on the 15th . Walking
to the 16th hole, it seemed that I was the only one paying attention to the huge bird
performing a war dance and singing the song of death.
- Hey Bruce, I think there is something wrong with that bird, he’s acting really
strange.
- Oh, probably he saw something and it’s after it, some mice or chip-monkey on the woods.
By then, John and Vince were already looking at the bird with suspicion and as we all
gather on the tee block, it starts making weird sounds as if it was warning us of the
attack. We couldn’t understand what was bothering that animal so much. Then, all of a
sudden, I stop right in front of a mother goose sitting on her egg and watching the
whole thing as if nothing had to do with her and her baby. I realized what was going on
and as if it was in slow motion, I turned around and screamed to the others:
- OH NO ! WE ARE TOO CLOSE TO THE NEST !!!
The time had passed, the warnings of war had already been given and there we were;
four golfers looking at each other as if it was the last moment of our life time, realizing
that from that point on, was each man for himself and all we could do was trying not to
be the slowest one on the run.
The bird, had already invested in his campaign by throwing John on the ground as he
screamed from the top of his lungs “SAVE YOURSELVES, SAVE YOURSELVES...”, minutes
ran each other over trying to become seconds and now, Vince was being chased by the
furious flying beast while John got up trying to find a way out of the firing line. Bruce
showing an amazing courage, went to the middle of the blast trying to help Vince:
“PROTECT YOUR EYES FATHER, HE IS GOING FOR THE EYES, I’M COMING TO HELP YOU!”
Realizing that there were two against one, the smart carrier of feathers flies away
from the scene as Bruce approaches the area to help father Vince, who also was already
on the ground. Everything happened so fast that I couldn’t get a grasp of the moment,
either because I was laughing so hard that I couldn’t move or because I couldn’t believe
what was just happening.
That’s when time’s frozen...
The angry beast looks over to the tee block and sees me standing alone, defenseless
and with fear in my eyes. The cold air of the morning traveled my spine shivering my
soul and racing my heart as if I had just ran a marathon. The entire woods went silent
as if the animal world was watching the final moments of a match between human kind
and the animal kingdom, that’s when I realized: I had become the ball on the tee block
and was just about to get hit.
My friends, now separated from me like an obvious war strategy applied by the
general of egg’s makers, in a weird choreography waving to me to get out of there,
scream in a synchronized sound: “RUUUUNNNNN....”
As if the chasing music started playing and the animals of the woods cheering for their
hero; the angel of death opens his wings and with fire in his eyes takes off like a
bomber coming towards the Hiroshima of the golf course. I understood at that moment
that everything had been planned by the batman of the goose mom; I was the closest
one to the nest and he wanted to isolate me from any possible defense, my clubs were
away, my ball nowhere to be found; all I had at that moment was the only scream of
war I could think of:
“FAAATHER... PRAAAAYY FOR MEEEE!!!”
As I turned around to leave the scene trying to run as if I had to beat the fastest man
alive, everything started happening in slow motion; I can hear his wings getting closer
and louder, each step felt like going backwards instead and my entire body seemed to
weigh thousands of pounds. I threw myself on the ground and rolled down the small hill
on the side of the tee block as the airplane of quirk sounds flies over me but, he’s not
happy. As he flies away to the sky in a majestic maneuver it turns around for a second
attempt of the attack, I barely get on my knees to see what’s happening as if I had just
been hit on the head, I see the kamikaze of gooses coming straight to my direction to
finalize the war with no mercy. As I close my eyes waiting for the final moment; out of
nowhere, Bruce, empowered with one of his clubs, comes into my rescue shouting:
“I’LL SAVE YOU EDDIE, I’LL SAVE YOU !!!”
Making moves that only a bad golfer knows with his clubs, he’s able to scare the giant
rooster away from the zone. There we were; one side of the tee block: four golfers
scared to the death to tee the ball of and continue the game; the other side: an army of
one goose waiting to kill us.
Slowly though, we stepped on the tee block and were able to tee the ball of; all under
the careful watch of Mr. McGoose, who was already spotting the next group of golfers as
if they were children with lollypops entering the danger zone, unaware of the what was
waiting for them on the 16th tee block. As we walk down to the hole, after such an
epical battle; we couldn’t even remember who was winning or what was the score, since
we lost the score card on the battle field; but we didn’t care that much, after all we now
had a story to tell: the story of four golfers who instead of striking for a bird; had a bird,
making a stroke on them.
The summer had brought to us the perfect conditions to
be out and enjoy the day in the company of good friends.
There were four of us, John, Bruce, Vince and I (Eddie);
we had been planning to go golfing for a while and finally
we’ve got the chance. The morning was bright and the
smell of the field was addictive, the birds kept singing
songs of welcome and we all (as good golfers) truly
believed that each one of us would have the game of a life time.
As we walked from the clubhouse down to the first tee block and enjoyed the company
of each other, we were making jokes about how the day was going to be like and who
was the best golfer, it was a great time.
Given the fact that we all live busy lives, most of us only played for fun and to be
honest, none was actually a golfer good enough to the point of attracting the crowd to
follow us around. The interesting thing about golf is that it is a game that really shows
one's personality and it becomes evident in one's game the traces of the mental
attitude towards pressure. Anyhow, we were there just to have fun and a good time with
good friends.
The competition was always friendly among us, but it was particularly stronger
between John and I, actually; as best friends, John and I always believed that the game
and the intense competition between us was the one thing that would bring us together
and closer, every time. Although we had this competition going on between us, one
always respected the other trying to keep certain comments to ourselves and not giving
too much opinion about each other’s game.
In golf, most of the time, there is a tendency of the players to give opinion about
someone else’s style and/or technique to play the game. In their mind, they are trying
to help the other player to play better, but golfers have a set of mind that dictates
certain aspects of the game and any opinion if not asked for or well put, can have
catastrophic results. Golfers are very sensitive to what happens when they are hitting
the ball, there is a mixture of pride and personal achievement when they play well,
every mistake can gather momentum and by the end of the game, reach scales that
would make them look like selvage beasts.
The good thing about golf though, are the lessons one can learn about themselves
and the continuing improvement that one has to make in order to play better, it’s the
only game where a guy who is 80 years old can compete with an 18’s old, given some
restrictions obviously. But this is a game that can be practiced one’s entire life and the
contact with nature plus the exercise, encapsulate the package that makes this game
one of the best sports one can get a hold of. This is how the four of us felt about golf.
The first tee shot for each one of us was perfect and right on the way for a great
competition, perhaps the best one we all ever had. Right at the first hole, John and I
started picking on each other in attempt to impose some mental pressure and who
cracks first while Bruce and Vice just enjoyed watching us and trying their best to play
the game. We all were roughly the same age, in mid forties and reasonably in good
shape. Vince was the tallest one among us, he had been playing golf since as a child
and as a priest, his busy life at the church and his commitments with the community
wouldn't allow him to play as much as he wished, but he is one of the most pleasant
person to be around and to have fun at the golf course.
Bruce was the oldest one, not by much though, perhaps 2 or 3 years on us and with so
much work around the house and the commitments his wife would find for both of them
within their neighborhood, he also wished time was at his side when comes to practice
the game his loves so much. John and I are divorced and have all the time in world in
our hands, after work. We would practice golf as much as we could and exchange tips on
how to improve each other’s game with the newest gadget that showed up on the golf
market. He is about 5.11” tall and I am 5.6”, he has more strength at his side and I
have more flexibility so, I would say that the physical conditions between us were fairly
distributed.
- That was a good shot Eddie ! Too bad you are messing up the next one.
- I may mess the next one up, but it won’t be as bad as the one you are just
about to hit!
Silly remarks like this would keep going for most of the holes through the game and if
one of us actually gave in to the other, both would laugh and try to bit the other on the
next hole again. It was a healthy type of competition and it would push us to try the
absolute best of each other every time, we all loved it.
Everything was going just fine until the 15th hole, our score was very close with a
difference of only one or two shots. As I approach the 15th , something peculiar caught
my attention; a little farther away, there was a goose walking up and down the 16th tee
block, I could tell from a distance that something was wrong, but I didn’t let it bother
me and concentrated on having the best score I could to bit John on the 15th . Walking
to the 16th hole, it seemed that I was the only one paying attention to the huge bird
performing a war dance and singing the song of death.
- Hey Bruce, I think there is something wrong with that bird, he’s acting really
strange.
- Oh, probably he saw something and it’s after it, some mice or chip-monkey on the woods.
By then, John and Vince were already looking at the bird with suspicion and as we all
gather on the tee block, it starts making weird sounds as if it was warning us of the
attack. We couldn’t understand what was bothering that animal so much. Then, all of a
sudden, I stop right in front of a mother goose sitting on her egg and watching the
whole thing as if nothing had to do with her and her baby. I realized what was going on
and as if it was in slow motion, I turned around and screamed to the others:
- OH NO ! WE ARE TOO CLOSE TO THE NEST !!!
The time had passed, the warnings of war had already been given and there we were;
four golfers looking at each other as if it was the last moment of our life time, realizing
that from that point on, was each man for himself and all we could do was trying not to
be the slowest one on the run.
The bird, had already invested in his campaign by throwing John on the ground as he
screamed from the top of his lungs “SAVE YOURSELVES, SAVE YOURSELVES...”, minutes
ran each other over trying to become seconds and now, Vince was being chased by the
furious flying beast while John got up trying to find a way out of the firing line. Bruce
showing an amazing courage, went to the middle of the blast trying to help Vince:
“PROTECT YOUR EYES FATHER, HE IS GOING FOR THE EYES, I’M COMING TO HELP YOU!”
Realizing that there were two against one, the smart carrier of feathers flies away
from the scene as Bruce approaches the area to help father Vince, who also was already
on the ground. Everything happened so fast that I couldn’t get a grasp of the moment,
either because I was laughing so hard that I couldn’t move or because I couldn’t believe
what was just happening.
That’s when time’s frozen...
The angry beast looks over to the tee block and sees me standing alone, defenseless
and with fear in my eyes. The cold air of the morning traveled my spine shivering my
soul and racing my heart as if I had just ran a marathon. The entire woods went silent
as if the animal world was watching the final moments of a match between human kind
and the animal kingdom, that’s when I realized: I had become the ball on the tee block
and was just about to get hit.
My friends, now separated from me like an obvious war strategy applied by the
general of egg’s makers, in a weird choreography waving to me to get out of there,
scream in a synchronized sound: “RUUUUNNNNN....”
As if the chasing music started playing and the animals of the woods cheering for their
hero; the angel of death opens his wings and with fire in his eyes takes off like a
bomber coming towards the Hiroshima of the golf course. I understood at that moment
that everything had been planned by the batman of the goose mom; I was the closest
one to the nest and he wanted to isolate me from any possible defense, my clubs were
away, my ball nowhere to be found; all I had at that moment was the only scream of
war I could think of:
“FAAATHER... PRAAAAYY FOR MEEEE!!!”
As I turned around to leave the scene trying to run as if I had to beat the fastest man
alive, everything started happening in slow motion; I can hear his wings getting closer
and louder, each step felt like going backwards instead and my entire body seemed to
weigh thousands of pounds. I threw myself on the ground and rolled down the small hill
on the side of the tee block as the airplane of quirk sounds flies over me but, he’s not
happy. As he flies away to the sky in a majestic maneuver it turns around for a second
attempt of the attack, I barely get on my knees to see what’s happening as if I had just
been hit on the head, I see the kamikaze of gooses coming straight to my direction to
finalize the war with no mercy. As I close my eyes waiting for the final moment; out of
nowhere, Bruce, empowered with one of his clubs, comes into my rescue shouting:
“I’LL SAVE YOU EDDIE, I’LL SAVE YOU !!!”
Making moves that only a bad golfer knows with his clubs, he’s able to scare the giant
rooster away from the zone. There we were; one side of the tee block: four golfers
scared to the death to tee the ball of and continue the game; the other side: an army of
one goose waiting to kill us.
Slowly though, we stepped on the tee block and were able to tee the ball of; all under
the careful watch of Mr. McGoose, who was already spotting the next group of golfers as
if they were children with lollypops entering the danger zone, unaware of the what was
waiting for them on the 16th tee block. As we walk down to the hole, after such an
epical battle; we couldn’t even remember who was winning or what was the score, since
we lost the score card on the battle field; but we didn’t care that much, after all we now
had a story to tell: the story of four golfers who instead of striking for a bird; had a bird,
making a stroke on them.